I am seeing so many comments at the moment about children being bullied at day care centers, school and in pre-school. It is important to teach our children to stand up for themselves and tell someone when they are being bullied.

I teach a 3 step method to children who are being bullied:

1. The child being bullied should say to the bully, “STOP IT. I DO NOT LIKE IT.”

2. The child should then walk away from the bully.

3. The child should report the incident to a person in authority.

 If the child tells me that the bullying is continuing to happen, I have a chat with the bully. It is important to do this in a non-aggressive way.  Ask simple questions such as “Mary tells me that you are hitting her, calling her names and pulling her hair. Has Mary done anything to hurt you?” This gives the child a chance to respond and tell you what is happening for them as well. Nine times out of ten, something petty has triggered the bullying. I would keep an eye on both of the children concerned and monitor the situation.

Communication is very important. Call and mention the incident in confidence to both parents at the end of the day. When you talk to the parents be careful to share objectively. To Johnny parents I might say something like Johnny has been hitting and pulling other children’s hair. Have you noticed anything going on with Johnny at home? It is very important not to mention to the parent who Johnny has been hitting as that is confidential information. I would also inform Mary’s parents that Mary shared that another child had been hitting her and pulling her hair. During our discussion I would explain that we have spoken to the other child’s parents and that we are monitoring Mary.

Of course, if Mary had been scratched or bitten that would automatically be recorded. Mary’s parents would be informed of the incident and asked to sign a report. Johnny’s parents would be told that he had bitten and scratched another child and disciplinary measures would have to be discussed.

If the situation was not resolved within a week. I would start to write more in depth incident reports on a daily basis as a record for the school, for the parents and for potential legal issues. I would express my concern to both parents and advise them that Johnny was being carefully watched by staff so that things could be stopped before an incident got out of control. I would also ask the parents if anything unusual had happened at home. Were there factors at home such as a parental break up, death in the family, new family member etc. that could be triggering the outbursts?

I feel it is important to watch how the parent reacts when you discuss their child’s behavior with them. It is possible that there is abuse in the home. The mother may be abused by the partner and the child is acting out what they are seeing at home. Look for bruises on the child. Be observant and see if you if notice anything about the parent when you mention the child’s behavior etc. It is important though to be discreet and not to accuse the parents of anything. If you feel that there is any abuse going on whether it be abuse of the parent or child abuse report it to school and local authorities.

~ Helen Thompson
www.ChildLearningSupport.com

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